I Must Be Dead

Fuck You

The Substitute

She kept checking to see if I was turned on, running her hands along my pants, to see if my dick was having a reaction.

It wasn’t.

But I… I was having a good time, I was still enjoying myself, and this situation was unusual.

Unusual because I’m most often hard before my pants even come off.

Unusual because I’m most often hard already on the drive home, when in a lucky instance, my hand has sneaked its way from the steering wheel and bravely found the girls inner thigh, while at the same time trying my best to keep eyes on the road instead of her, as not to kill myself…or my chance at having sex.

This was harder then anyone would think.

In fact I’m not sure how in porno’s the guy is not aroused when the girl already has her mouth wrapped around him, this is incomprehensible to me, and sometimes makes me embarrassed that I have a full blown erection three weeks before she has a chance to sleep…or in most cases not sleep with me.

And so she tries harder, she sighs harder, she moves harder, and she grabs harder. Which in the end is all together not hard enough.

I’m not sure it’s all her fault, besides the fact that shes pretty fucked up, and certainly can’t string a sentence together, I put most of the blame on myself. I am wondering what this means to me. Why am I here? Why am I sitting in this dark corner paying someone to do naked flips and flash their vagina to my face, when all I really want is to fall in love.

Fall in love….

A once or maybe even never life time affair.

So this is the $20 substitute….

This is the $20 hold me over till someone comes along and makes me feel what I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.

So for tonight, in order to forgive and forget, in order to remember there will be a chance but this certainly isn’t fucking it, and in order to be able to look them in the eyes and show that I’d rather die in a crash then look away…

I’ll fall in love with a stripper.

At least for one song…

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